Dear Ex
I cut our communication because staying in touch did far more harm than good. You know I have a delayed reaction to things and it took months for me to react. I thought we could be friends but I really began to see your true face. The last time I saw you it was really the end of us. It really was goodbye. The only way I can explain it was that it was like a veil had been lifted and as we made love I looked up at you and I really saw you. I saw you differently, I saw someone who was lost and didn’t know himself let alone me.
I saw and felt you and I didn’t like it.
It’s not that I didn’t love you , you were one of my greatest loves. You are a cherished experience but you were also a liar and a coward and I didn’t deserve to be brought along on your quest to find yourself and to get through your weird life.
You were not fair to me and it’s sad to say it but deceived me in many ways. I feel as though I was used to get you through your darkest days. Used to guide and motivate you. Used for advice and comfort and to be fair you were a great confidant to me but once the novelty ran out you cared very little for me. I started as a good distraction….
It really should have ended sooner and I always knew it but I was so committed to you that I stuck around longer than I should have and hurt myself more in the process.
I’m afraid to say it but as much as you deceived me I too played a role in ignoring my intuition for far to long. I allowed you to use me because I was desperate to be loved and accepted. When you started to talk to me less it was almost unbearable. I committed so many hours a day to talk to you then all of a sudden you contacted me at your convenience and most likely got back with your EX. What a slap in the face. You may not have gone as far as what my Ex-Fiancé did, but your weren’t far off. So much so, that when I think of you it makes me think of him. When I say your name, I sometimes get confused and say his. Almost the same person with a different face. Truth is, your more like him then I realised.
I want to say I hate you, part of me wants to make you feel bad, but I have nothing to gain from that. It won’t make me happier, it won’t change the fact that I will never see you the way I once did.
Nevertheless I don’t want to end this bitter. our early encounter was by far the most beautiful and blessed experience I will cherish. So again, this is and always was for you Willow Tree
-L x
Mommyrosebuds 