As many of you may already know I was a teenage mum…. It may come as a surprise but I’ve never actually told my pregnancy story but decided it was time…..
It was a dark and stormy night…lol just kidding.
It was actually summer when I met “him” this tall not-so handsome guy who approached me in the arcade in Central London. Typical huh!
“He was talking to me?!….a guy?.. was actually talking to meee! “
I was 15 and ignorant….I craved attention from guys. From as young as I can remember I craved to be married and loved. It’s soo weird but I can remember being 7 years old and dreaming about my husband, my family and my own home…..I had more than enough love from both parents as a child I just reckon I was an old romantic in my past life and Disney movies only made my desire worse.
Anyway….we dated and fell for each other, he was older by about 3 years but I lied and told him I was 16! He went nuts when I admitted the truth, luckily I was only 2 weeks away from my 16th birthday when we met but let’s just say things were rocky from there. #redflag
I was never the most sane girl in the world as a kid and during my final years of school I got severely bullied, at one point it was like all the groups of “IT” girls made my life a living hell….so practically half the school year hated my guts and made sure I knew it.
“One day I did something to take the pain away…I tried and I failed…..”
The world was my enemy, people were the bane of my life and death and darkness were my friends. The only place I felt safe and understood was in my own dreams….so I vowed to become a permanent resident.
As I was at the point of no return and gave zero fucks by this point I went and had unprotected sex with my then boyfriend of 7 months. I won’t lie and say I didn’t know what I was doing because deep down I’m sure I did….I just didn’t give a shit…
Pregnancy Test day
So I guessed I might be preggaz before I even took the test. Call it mothers intuition…I knew…
So after school I headed to Superdrugs and bought a £5 value test and snuck off to his house to take it. It was the most agonising 30 seconds of my life….that 2nd line appeared instantly and confirmation was there….I was pregnant….
I slowly walked into his room and handed him the test, silent and amazed..he seemed happy…I was silent…
“All of a sudden the world came crashing down…I’m 16, I’m pregnant, and how the fuck am I going to tell my mum.”This is the actual photo taken After I found out I was pregnant! Thank god for camera phones aye!
It didn’t take me very long to tell my mum…Infact it was 2 days later…not because I was proud of it, but because I knew leaving it would only make it worse. So I stood near the front door and told her… I was ready to run incase she went savage on my ass 😂
She took it better then I expected, obviously she was disappointed but to be honest after the shit I attempted a couple months before…I think she prefered a grandchild compared to a gravestone….
“I was so determined to die….then all of a sudden… I was soo determined to live”
At the time I was actually out of school due to the severe bullying that lead to a full on fist fight…and yes…I was pregnant..Maybe it was the hormones but I was ready for blood! Eventually my motivation to return back to school and take my GCSE’s came back and within a couple months before my exams started I was back in the hell hole.
People in school found out I was pregnant, I had only told two people I considered as friends, deep down I always knew who blabbed and it certainly wasn’t the friend who supported me through the madness. But I denied it, I taught myself to lie well! Even when a couple of the “IT” girls pushed my stomach really hard for confirmation of my not so pregnant pregnancy. (apparently they thought they would be able to feel the baby) 😨I won’t lie it really hurt and I was tempted to fly kick her but I was already FOUR months pregnant by then and I won’t lie…. she scared the shit out of me 🙈
Long story short… I took my GCSE’s….passed all A-C’s and planned my future as a stay at home teen mum….
Then one day my trusty friend “Common Sense” kicked in and said to me…”I could make something of myself, I didn’t need to be a victim of my circumstances I could make it work”! …I went to the local education advisors to find out my options and decided I would enrol in college that September SIX months pregnant. By this time the dad and i was drifting apart and the birth was fastly approaching . I stopped seeing him as often to avoid disrespecting my mum. Not that she had a problem with it but I just knew I’d messed up and really didn’t want to add insult to injury… so eventually he found someone else to keep his bed warm.
Although that was awful and heartbreaking we remained as civil as we could. During the whole pregnancy we were saving for everything we needed for the baby…I saved my pocket money that I got from my dad which was only £15 a week and he did what ever he could. So as you can probably tell…I am quite a money maker and I cared far more about his finaicial contribution then i did about the cheating.. but hey, I was only 17, could I really expect anything less? I was a kid myself!
“We bought everything ….everything ourselves”
There was never a situation where my mum would have to suffer the financial burden of my child. I created her, so I would have to support her and I did…
It was 9 days past my due date and I was fed up and tired..I wanted out of this pregnancy and I wanted to meet my little girl….then finally after Three days of labour she arrived….leaving me torn up, exhausted with almost a litre worth of blood missing.
8th December 2007 @7:4pm 6lbs 9oz
She was soo cute and she was all mine…finally I had a reason to live for…finally I had something worth living for…Shamaya
Her father and I never made it past 2 weeks of her birth and considering we went to the same college we really went our separate ways. I returned to college 4 weeks after giving birth and shamaya stayed with mum 3 days a week for the rest of term (approx 5 months) I managed to complete the course and got ready for my degree the following September.
My mum really was my rock, it was bad enough I let her down but the way she stepped in to help me get my qualifications and taught me how to be a mother….I am eternally greatful!
Being a young mum was not easy but I sure as hell made it look easy. By the time shamaya was 5 months I moved into a mother and baby unit and really began independant living. Her dad was a complete and utter bastard, he stopped financially contributing immediately after her birth and by her 2nd birthday bought a one way ticket back to Africa, and we have barely heard from him or seen him in the past SEVEN YEARS.
She began nursery and I finally accepted I was a single mother and this is just how its gonna be. She was a nightmare colic newborn and I won’t lie…I thought she hated me.
One night; it was a Wednesday. .she cried non stop until day light Thursday ! I remember breaking down and crying with her, I just couldn’t get her to stop. That day I wanted to give up but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to let my mum down or admit that I was too young to have a baby…bottom line….I was too young to have a baby and even though I coped eventually, these past 9 years have been a challenge.
Imagine boyfriends, breakups, breastfeeding, relationships, friendships, social life, college, essays, working, bills and a household now throw a teenage single mother with a demanding baby into the equation ! Absolutely bonkers!
I didn’t really discuss my daughter to friends and really tried to keep that part of my life separate from my social life. I mean which 17 year old is going to want listen to me talking about my baby.. So college and university was all about fun, friends and studying. Once I got home then mommyrosebud would get to work for her 2nd job. Caring for Shamaya..
I had very little patience as a young mum. I refused to let anything or anyone stop me from becoming a success. I worked twice a week in a Dental Laboratory and went uni three times a week for 2 years until I qualified as a Dental Technician.
Graduating Uni with my daughter watching me was one of the best days of my life!!! I did it! I didn’t become a victim of my circumstances, I became a Dental Technician and I can only imagine that i was most likely the youngest mother to graduate at 19 along with the rest of my class. I did it!
There were days I cried, days I smiled, days I laughed and days I felt shamaya was better off without me. I would never condone intentional teenage pregnancy. It was bloody hard to get to this point. I have never stopped studying and now I have 3 healthcare professional qualifications in total and counting! I vowed to become a success for her and have succeeded thus far but still for any young teens out there reading this….
USE PROTECTION and LIVE YOUR LIFE FIRST! I am one of the lucky ones, I was mature and smart enough to make a plan, I also had an amazing mother to teach me and help me through the early months of motherhood. Some young mums are not as lucky. And, for any young mums who are feeling like “this is it, your life is over” read this post again and again because if I could achieve all I have then so could you. It’s all in the mind and how abitious you are…You either want to succeed or you don’t.. it may take a little longer and I can promise you it will be harder but…You can do it…You can’t win if you quit!
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