Letter to my Murderous EX

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Dear Ex
Yes you..The dude that broke my heart..The A**hole who tried to ruin my life…Yes you…
I thought of multiple ways to write this letter, part of me thought I should be graceful, part of me thought I should be bitter but truth be told nothing explains my feelings more then honesty so here I go.
I lied when I said I could accept u leaving, I talked myself into believing if I truly loved you I had to let you go..so I did. I sacrificed my heart for yours and hers. I gave up on my aspirations, dreams and future plans because of your betrayal. The betrayal you talked yourself into justifying. You are a bad man. You committed murder! You killed a part of me! You f**king killed me!
You took a knife and stabbed me in the heart, then you twisted it, then you took it out..told me you loved me, told me it was a mistake, you wanted to marry me….then you got a bigger knife, stabbed me in the heart again but this time deeper! I mean for f**k sake you sharpened the knife with that bitches claws! You wanted me dead, you wanted to erase every inch of my being by destroying my heart. And you almost succeeded.
So, I ended up attending my own funeral, I buried that part of me you murdered and decided to move on, posting endless pictures on facebook appearing happy and living the life because after all that’s what us women are expected to do. I was told never to let a man who left you see you suffering because of him. He’s supposed to see that your better off without him. So I put on my game face and i moved on.
Little did I know what was around the corner…Yes you guessed it you piece of sh*t…. “happiness”
What you stole from me was returned 10 fold.
You know, I cried myself to sleep for months, I would look in the mirror and see nothing staring back at me. I imagine my heart was black like coal “after all you practically set it alight”
Seeing you and her was torture I couldn’t get away from you in real life and then you would haunt my dreams. You really f**ked me over..
So I mourned the loss…and it was never my loss of you that hurt, I mourned the loss of the life we had planned together, the road that we planned together, you then blocked and sent me packing to find a new road on my own. I was lonely, i was scared and i was damaged. I will never understand why you did a 360 but it’s time I thanked you.
Thank you for giving me the chance to find love and give love to someone who could love me unconditionally.
Thank you for making me realise that I am not superior to any female.. just because I have a good job, a degree, a home and i’m financially stable does not mean I can’t be replaced by a female that is uneducated and flips burgers for a living. I understand now that she’s the one for you, not me and thank God for that.
Thank you for cutting me off to start your new life it made it easier for me to rebuild mine.
Finally, thank you for breaking my heart, I now admire the scarred woman I have become. I am a fighter! I conquered you! I conquered her! And I conquered heartbreak. I won! You lost! I may bare the scars on my heart of your attempted murder! But I survived and I am now a phenomenal woman and mother.
So again, Thank you “You piece of S*it”.

From your Ex.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. kphoenix1 says:

    There’s power and strength here. I can feel it. I can relate. You overcame a great deal, but the strength inside you will help you move onward. His loss! You deserve the best, best of luck , peace and happiness to you dear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Asahela says:

      Thank you soo much it has taken over 3 years to express myself. I feel so much better already. Thank you for your kind words xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. kphoenix1 says:

        You’re welcome Asahela. 💜

        Like

  2. dellymari says:

    I’ve experienced this heartache also. Not pretty. Got past it after a rough road. Glad you did too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Asahela says:

      Thank you! That’s why I wrote it. I think it was about time I was completely honest with myself about how heartbroken I actually was, and it’s amazing to know I’m not alone in this. Thank you for reading x

      Liked by 2 people

  3. erhynireh says:

    Beautifully penned! How I wish I am that strong during those days that I died a million times by his betrayal. We all have a choice, I chose to stay and bear the stabs for my children’s sake, I’m not a masochist, it is just that my children’s happiness and well-being is more important. But I do agree that women are made to be resilient. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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